Breaking Through the Terror Barrier

Roma October 2006

Go ahead, say it 5 times fast with a George Bush twang. It's fun. Terror Barrier Terror Barrier Terror Barrier.

One of the things that has been on the back burner as a result of our 'circumstances' is Roma's Orthodontia. That's right, I called it what it is, the fancy word...orthodontia. Poor Roma. When Scott got hired last March, we didn't anticipate it taking as long as it has to be able to afford to resume her orthodontic treatment. Her last visit to get adjusted was Halloween 2006. Yes, 2006. I know because her bands were orange and black. She got her braces on in July 2005. So, count it, she's had her lovely metal mouth for 3.5 years. We told her that in August we'd try to get her braces off, and well - it's now December.

In early October I began the hunt for a new orthodontist. Because I have been unintentionally burned by dentists and our last orthodontist, I decided to put in the work to shop around. Price, philosophy, and trustworthiness were all a factor. In all, we had consultations with 8 orthodontists. Things I found out in this journey:

1. As guilty as I feel having Roma in braces this long untreated, the upside was her two teeth that I was considering doing oral surgery on to pull down have come down on their own. Our past ortho suggested surgery because he thought they would never come down on their own. well, he was WRONG. Wrong, I say! Lots of $ and pain saved.

2. There is no such thing as a holistic orthodontist, at least that I could find. There is such a thing as a progressive orthodontist. Most orthodontists are the same as far as the way they treat. The ortho we finally decided on is very up to date on new technology and ultimately Roma will be in braces for 14 more months vs the 18 months-2 years other ortho's estimated.

3. Orthodontists charge a wide array of prices. There was approximately a $1000 spread between all the orthodontists we saw. Some wanted $1000 down, some $500 down, the one we chose wanted nothing down and was willing to spread out payments to make it more affordable for us.

4. I am not paying for my child to go to a video play land during her visits. I swear, if I saw one more iPod station or personal TV in each station I was going to puke. The last thing I need is for my hard earned dollars to go towards these techno wonderlands. If it means $25 less per month off of my bill, then she'll just have to tough it out like her mom did in the olden days, with no entertainment. My kid does not need to be entertained or distracted 24/7, thank you.

5. And speaking of bills. The real point of this post.....
As we were ortho shopping, I realized I have a fear of adding on another bill to our stack. Everytime we'd talk to the nice lady about price, I'd feel a tightening in my chest. What if, what if, what if......what if something happens again, I have an outstanding bill and it gets sent to collections? What if we start treatment and can't finish it again?

But all my fears and what if's don't negate the fact that the girl needs it done. So, I have to break through my Terror Barrier and just trust that it will happen. And I am sooo excited for Roma to get this over with. BTW, if you want to know where the phrase Terror Barrier came from, email Jonelle.

My other Terror Barrier of the month???

Being good enough.

This is not my typical weakness. I'm not one of those guilt ridden people who is afraid that I will disappoint someone with my abilities, or lack thereof. But recently I was presented with an opportunity that made me step back and take a hard look at my abilities. After much meditation and prayer, I felt good about moving forward on it. If successful, it could have a wonderful HUGE return on my 12 year investment of studying and becoming who I am 'professionally' speaking. And as I sat wondering if I could really pull it off, here were the thoughts that crept into my head:

~ People are going to think you are a big joke
~ What makes you think people would want what you have to offer on this grand of a scale?
~ You really don't know as much as you need to to pull this off
~ You will fall flat on your face
~ You do not deserve success like this

I have never before been paralyzed by thoughts like these. In fact, sometimes I err on the side of being a little bit too over confident and have made my fair share of flubs that way. So, this was all new to me and made me pause and think, because it was new, maybe it was true. It took me quite a while to shake it and just break through the terror barrier. I had to sit and repeat affirmations to myself:

~ You have done all the work necessary to make this happen
~ You know what you need to in order to progress
~ People want this life changing information
~ Whatever the outcome, it's okay

It was an odd thing for me. For years I had been saying that I could handle something this big, I've earned something this big, I would enjoy something this big and then when it was staring me in the face within reach, I froze. Could I handle it? Have I earned it? Would I really enjoy it? I had to honestly stop and think about it. And after 3-4 weeks of thinking about it, I decided that I can and will accept it and enjoy it. Funny how when life presents you with the opportunity to act on your beliefs sometimes you hesitate. Lesson learned...when you espouse a belief, you better be ready to step into it!