Zephyr in mid cake eating
Zephyr turned 1 last Sunday. Wow, how did THAT happen so quick? We had a quiet, small cake celebration with just the kids and ourselves.
Zephyr has been such a blessing in our lives. I say that as he is clinging to me in tears wanting more of the nummy. But honestly, he's brought more opportunity for growth than I expected.
I had a doula consultation today. I haven't done one of those since before he was born. I did a birth here a while back, but it wasn't an 'official' formal relationship, so I really didn't do what I normally do for a client. But as I was sitting talking with 'the mom' (Hi Kristen!) and she was asking me to expound on the spiritual benefits of a natural birth, I found myself not having the words or time to adequately explain things, but Zephyr's birth was right in the forefront.
As most know, I found out I was pregnant with Zephyr right in the middle of crap hitting the fan. Yes, Scott had started feeling better, but he still wasn't well and the money was long gone. It took me quite a while to confirm the pregnancy because I really didn't want to deal with all the lose ends that can come along with pregnancy, but also I had no money for a pregnancy test. I literally had to save up for it. I can't remember taking or reading the test, but what I do remember was being happy and scared.
"Lord, I am grateful for this blessing, but don't you know this is like, THE WORST time to get pregnant???"
Mind you, this is me trying to school the Lord again. You'd think I would have learned by now. Also, frankly, I was worried about people's reactions and judgement. Because it was the worst time, I just didn't want to hear anything negative about it. I really wanted to enjoy it as much as possible. But little did I know that the timing of the pregnancy was actually the best time to get pregnant. I wouldn't find that out until the day of the birth. I don't remember the exact thoughts or feelings, but after that prayer it was almost as if the Lord put me on autopilot with my faith in regards to the pregnancy and birth. After that, it was just a matter of solving a puzzle and the fears just disappeared.
So, on to the next question.....how am I going to have this baby? Not 'how' as in, gee how does the baby get from the inside to the outside, but 'how' as in no money + midwife in Vegas + commitment to homebirth - that how. I contacted Kaye, my friend and midwife, and informed her that I was 'in the way' and basically laid out the situation to her to see what her thoughts were. Here's where the answer to this loaded question just got handed to me. It just so happens that Kaye was planning on moving to Junction, UT around the time of the birth, and oh yeah, don't worry about paying her. The odds of her closing her midwifery practice of 25 years, uprooting her life and moving closer to me right around due date time were, um, slim at best. So I knew that this was another lesson in trusting and surrendering. I was going to be taken care of.
I ended up having only 2 prenatals with her. Really, with my background and staying in constant contact with her, that really didn't phase me much. Yes, ideally I'd love to do the regular prenatal schedule with her to hang out, laugh, and connect, but it wasn't an option. At my first prenatal, we went to her office in Vegas. I did an ultrasound to narrow down due dates with her, because as always, Amy doesn't really have a clue when she conceived. So we determined it could be one of two dates, June 10 or June 18.
I circled Sunday June 15 as the birth day I wanted. I always loved Sunday births and it gave us ample time before move day, July 1, and it was the happy medium between the two dates, so I thought I was being quite reasonable. Hear that, Lord? June 15, okay? See how I was schooling the Lord again. Amy is so funny, isn't she?
The pregnancy progressed uneventfully. All went smoothy and besides not being able to satisfy my every craving (Bishop's storehouse just isn't Trader Joes, you know) and having to cook every single thing I ate from scratch, I really had no complaints. I was paranoid that my lack of optimal nutrition actually stunted the baby's growth. Everytime someone would comment on how small I looked, I would cringe and say thank you. But all those worries were put to rest when he was born.
So fast forward to June 2008. It was the first time I'd ever experienced false labor. It was quite annoying and had Scott in a tizzy a few times. Scott had been communting since 1st of April, which had been a pain, but come June I was used to that, but not used to Scott's nervousness about the birth. He started stressing out that he'd be up north when I went into labor. I told him not to worry about it, the Lord would work it out. June 10 came and went with little fanfare except from Scott.
"C'mon! The baby was suppossed to be here by now! Let's go!"
"Wait for the 15th," I'd say.
So Sunday also came and went. I'd lie if I said I wasn't disappointed, but oh well.....I guess the 18th due date was more accurate. Scott debated whether to go back up north to work. I told him to just go and I'd call at the slightest twinge (which I didn't given the false labor stuff).
So, the 16th...nuthin
The 17th...nuthin
The 18!!!! Due Date!!! Nuthin
So, Scott really is getting ants in his pants. We're moving, living in a house with a mattress on the ground, blow up beds, a futon and one chair and ottoman to nurse in. We have to be gone by July 1, and he's commuting. But I say, "Scott, what can we do but just wait and be patient?"
19th....nuthin
20th...nuthin
21st....what is the point of waiting for the water to boil anyway? Let's go have some fun. So I piled the girls and a friend (I think it was Jade Barney) into the van and went to SUU to watch the Shakespearean Festival's Greenshow. I dragged my overdue bum with lawn chairs and a blanket, set up shop and started the show. I see a few friends from church...
"Aren't you due?" "Wasn't that baby suppossed to be here by now?"
Legitimate questions since I learned early on to be very vague about due dates. I just gave it up, though.
"Yep, I'm either 11 days or 3 days overdue!"
Ah, those are proceless looks you get when you say that. I'll miss them!
During the greenshow, I was contracting, but again, I had had many false starts and wasn't really taking anything seriously. Scott had gotten home from Jordan while we were at the show and when I did get home around 7:45 I was actually in good spirits. But by 8:30 I was actually still contracting a bit. Huh, I thought....
I knew Kaye had been making runs back and forth from Vegas to Junction since June 4. I thought maybe I should call her just to see where she was. Junction is 1 hour 15 minutes north, Vegas 1 hour 45 minutes south for us experienced drivers, so I wanted to just give her a heads up that something might be going on, but don't count on it. So I hesitantly give her a call, cause I didn't want to bug her without just cause.
So, I call....
"Hey, where are you?"
"I am 10 minutes from you".
"Oh! You want to come see if anything's going on with me?"
"Sure!"
Odds of her being 10 minutes from me right when I wanted her? Zero to none. At the time I didn't think much of it, but now I know it was divine intervention. When she comes I realize she's got her 2 boys with her, her daughter and her son in law (who was driving separate). They had just done a St. George Costco run. Ah, man...Amy really doesn't want to inconvienince family members too. So I tell Kaye that I really don't' think I am in labor, but the contractions, even though not so much increasing in frequency or strength, are still going on.
So, she talks me into an exam. I'm 3-4 cm, effaced, and a good +3 station. Well, all fine and good, but that doesn't really mean I'm in labor. I told Kaye to just go to Junction, sorry to bother. But she kind of insisted on staying. I said 'Okay, but I'm not guaranteeing anything'. So she leaves at 9:00 to tell her family to move on with the Costco load without her, and comes back around 9:30ish.
For the next hour and a half, it was kind of more of the same. Maybe a little more intense and closer together, but nothing to get excited about and declare "This is it!" I certainly wouldn't describe it as painful, just interesting. Scott and Kaye had a good ole time talking Last Days stuff, we put the girls to bed about 11:00, and then I noticed a pick up. Still not painful, but just more. And then a good one came at 11:30.
"Kaye, what do you think about checking me again?"
11:55....I'm something like 5-6 cm and my water broke during the exam. Well, I guess this is it. I decided to run to the bathroom for one last hurrah in there, and had the contraction of awareness, I gues you could call it. I went from maybe this could be it, kinda to...ah, crap, oh my gosh, you have to stop now within 3 contractions.
I raced back to the front room, took my station on my knees and leaning over the futon and let the good times roll. I got maybe 40 seconds between contractions at first, but it quickly went to what felt like only 15 seconds between contractions. Mr. Toad's Wild Ride had begun, keep your hands and feet inside the car at all times and you aren't getting off until I say so. Neighbor Ginger had come at this point, which was a welcome comfort. Everyone but Athena had come back out of their rooms and we all went on this ride together.
Zephyr was born at 1 am, so that means basically I was in labor for an hour. That sounds great to most people, but if you've ever had a quick labor, you know that it is full of it's own pros and cons. Athena's was a pretty hard birth, but Zephyr's was incredibly hard. His head was big and it took all my strength to get it out. I remember crying after he came out, not because I as overcome by motherly e
motion, but because I was so glad to have that head out of
me. It was rough.
In my previous labors, they were longer and afforded me some choice spiritual experiences during the actual labor and birth. But Zephyr's was so fast and hard, that there was really nothing there. At first I was a bit disappointed that I wasn't afforded the spiritualness of the girls' birth, but in reflection, his whole coming into being was a massively spiritual experience. Although, I do have to say that when Scott announced he was a boy, I said, "A what?" "A boy, " he says. "Check again," I say. "Yes, a boy!" "Are you sure?" That was a pretty choice moment. I had just counted on him being a girl. Only 1 time during the pregnancy did I seriously consider the baby might be a boy. If you look at the
birth pictoral, you can see Scott 'verifying' Zeph's manhood.
The next day I woke up with my pretty purple baby (pretty bruised from his speedy entrance) and immediately thought about how I only have one week to recover and finish packing.
Day 2 - look close, he was pretty purple still
Also, because he was so purple for so long, there was a question for that whole week if something was wrong with him. Should we take him to a pediatrician (something I don't do lightly)? Is there a dangerous heart problem? Why is he soooo purple? Is it really just bruising? Is he going to die? It was hard to get a clear answer from the Lord. I was tired, had hemmoroids, nursing like crazy, had 4 others kids underfoot, was moving to a house I hadn't seen before to a place I didn't know, had few of my earthly comforts around....it was a trial I don't want to repeat.
I should have been stressing given my lack of proper babymooning. I had had such nice babymoons in the past. But I was reminded of pioneer women birthing on the trail so I wouldn't feel too sorry for myself. Really, it was fine, just not optimal.
I am going to end the birth story there, as the continuation of it is in my
fifth blog post, but yes, the consult today did bring back just how divinely timed it all was.
Had he been conceived any later, it wouldn't have given me time to recover properly.
Had he been conceived any sooner Kaye might now have been able to attend me.
Had I not called Kaye when I did, it would have been a massive pain getting her there and she might have missed the birth.
Had Kaye not been the saint she was to attend me for free, well...I just don't want to think about what that would have looked like.
Had I not had the experience I had birth-wise, it would have been a harder and riskier pregnancy.
Had Scott not left Jordan when he did that day, he may have missed the birth.
Had the Lord not given me multiple distractions postpartum, I may have over reacted to Zephyr's color and intervened unnecessarily.
Had I not surrendered to the Lord's timing and greater wisdom, I would have been miserable. And I was done being miserable. I wanted to be happy. I had to force myself to be happy for all of this. And really I was and am so grateful I DECIDED to be in a place of faith rather than fear.
Trust, Surrender, Accept, Faith.
I think it was Elder Bednar that said, "The only gift we can give the Lord is our will". Mercifully, he gives us much greater in return.
Happy Birthday my little Mahatma!
Ps...to see the birth pictoral (non graphic mind you) go
here
Ah, the anticipation 
Roma and Athena laughing at Zephyr being bothered by being messy
Ellie giving scott 'the hand'
oor, poor Kari, who is Lisa and Steve's daughter going to school at BYU and drove around for 2 hours trying to find my house based on LANE'S directions. Everyone was long gone before The Spirit took the wheel and got her to our house. Oy! I felt so bad!! Who gives bad directions now, Lane?!? Lane swears that he was just telling her the bad directions I gave to him, and maybe it was a bad case of the telephone game, but I will take the fall for this one. Sorry Kari!
